Remembering (repost)

I worked in Washington DC during my last two summers in college. With that organization, came many perks that were fortunately bestowed upon me. Access to many embassies, lectures by prominent leaders at the various Departments, the White House and the Smithsonian.

A sister program took me to NYC to delve into the functions of the financial world. Housed at NYU, I was frequently on the floor of the commodities exchange, watching the clanging of the bell at the NYSE and hearing lectures from prominent members of the financial world. It was here that I met my friend Mark Cambisios from Kidder Peabody. 

Mark was responsible for training stockbrokers. His former life as a high school math teacher lent itself to his ease in front of groups and gave him a quick understanding of finances. We became casual business acquaintances and loosely kept in touch after I returned to Villanova. 

After the stock market crash of October 1987 - Black Monday, I invited Mark down from New York to give a lecture on why it happened. As a resident assistant, part of my job, besides enforcing underage drinking in the dorm (boo!) was to provide some programs to students. He took the train back home after the lecture and a few drinks with me and a fellow RA who challenged him on various issues in society. Mark's responses were my first clues to more about him than just professionally.

Once I graduated from college, my summer employer offered me a full time position in Washington DC. Shortly thereafter, I got my own apartment on Capital Hill behind the Supreme Court building. I was alone in DC - and definitely lonely. My move was primarily to explore who I really was and to see what these "feelings" are that permeated my thoughts more frequently.

On a Sunday morning in the late fall, Mark gave me a call. He told me a few of his friends had finally convinced him to move from Astoria into Chelsea and that he found a five story walk-up. He sensed I needed to talk and I remember being perplexed when he told me that he knows what I wanted to talk about. Hmmm, a psychic amongst my friends?! Years later I would become familiar with the term 'gaydar'.

After telling Mark I had these "feelings", he reassured me that nothing was wrong and recommended a book entitled "Positively Gay" - one which I still have in my book collection. Over the next couple of years, Mark became an unknowing role model for me. He would tell me graphic details of his encounters and I would cringe at the thought. He called me prude and I embraced the term. We became better friends and he would occasionally come visit me in DC and repeatedly tell me that "DC is ok, but New York is the center of the f'ing Universe!" 

I met my first long-term boyfriend not much later and we planned a trip to NYC to see "Angels in America" on Broadway with Mark and his beau. The plays were incredible and we all had a fantastic time. Tony Kushner's work expanded my minimal knowledge of the AIDS crisis and other social and religious issues. I also got to spend time with Mark in person, which didn't happen too frequently. 

Mark got his annual happy birthday call from me in January 1994. The laughing and the bantering quickly came to a halt when he said he had something to tell me. Not until then had the AIDS crisis touched me. He assured me that he was in good health, was taking a mix of pills and never felt better.

We continued to to go to NYC to visit and stay with Mark. In the early summer of 1995, he showed some scars from KS lesions that had been removed. My other half at the time was inquisitive as I shyed away and went into the other room. It was hard for me to deal with. Mark was physically a big strong man and incredibly understanding and supportive of me as I took my first steps out of the closet. It was hard seeing this come full circle.

In January of 1996, I spent a couple weeks in Hawaii for work. My bf was now my ex and I was living temporarily in a friend's condo while waiting to make settlement on my first house. The weeks in paradise were amazing and I returned from the long flight to my little condo delighted and exhausted.

Rifling thru the mail that had accumulated, I came across a small envelope hand addressed to me with a return address of Cambisios in Richmond VA. My first thought was that Mark moved down with his parents - or sent me a Christmas card from his visit with them. Tearing it open, I found that it was neither. The note, from Mark's parents, let me know that Mark had passed away over the holidays - and that he loved and valued his friends. 

Even as I write this, I'm getting choked up. Back then, I totally lost it. Mark was an amazing man - outspoken, brilliant, handsome and not shy from engaging in controversy. Professionally he was climbing higher and personally, he was helping me along and making me laugh at the silliness of it all. 

Mark was the first person that I've ever known that contracted and died of AIDS. Since then I have known more. I think of Mark often - when I watch "Angels in America", when I trash talk like he so frequently did and on World Aids Day. I pour a little of my cosmo on the earth - Here's to you, Mark Cambisios. I wish you were here to share this drink.

'I REMEMBER, SO I'M VOTING, AND NOT REPUBLICAN.'

Dogma

Originally aired on November 7, 2009 on BBC World - The Catholic Church is a force for good in the world - is an interesting debate.

Uganda has one of the highest rates of AIDS of any country in the world and much of the church teachings are about abstinence. In Max Blumenthal's piece at The Daily Beast, he sheds light on Rick Warren's work in Africa. This piece is originally from January 2009 when Obama picked Rick Warren to deliver the inaugural prayer.

During the early 1990s, when many African leaders denied the AIDS epidemic’s existence, Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni spoke openly about the importance of safe sex. With the help of local and international non-governmental organizations, he implemented an ambitious program emphasizing abstinence, monogamous relationships, and using condoms as the best ways to prevent the spread of AIDS. He called the program “ABC.” By 2003, Uganda’s AIDS rate plummeted 10 percent. The government’s free distribution of the “C” in ABC—condoms—proved central to the program’s success, according to Avert, an international AIDS charity.

The real work behind Warren and other church leaders in Uganda - the Kill Gays bill - is detailed out in the work of Timothy Kinkaid at Box Turtle Bulletin. Check out the connections to USA GOP politicians.

There's so much I want to write about the Catholic church after my upbringing and college years. Sometime I will get it all out. I encourage you to watch all five of the video segments and read the complete articles linked above. For now, the most telling statement came from a gentleman in the audience when the church argues that it has been judged by the standards of the times. He retorts:

"The truths in your doctrines are either eternal or not."

Freedom from Want

I first remember seeing Norman Rockwell's Four Freedoms in a little shop in Alexandria VA in the early 1990's and just thought they were remarkable. The prints themselves were just huge, each at least six feet tall and after studying it for a bit, I thought I had never been to a dinner that nice! My holiday dinners were more like the dinner scene from Moonstruck! LOL

Thanks to family and friends and those protecting our freedoms here and abroad. Thanks to Dave for putting up with me all these years and to Winston, Kiana and Jeb for always making me smile. Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Father's Day

So after 18 years of not knowing him, I met my father when I was 23. He called me one day while I was working and in a tone reminiscent of Star Wars, he said, "Hello Jim. This is your Father."

I met him shortly after that call and it turns out he was living six miles from where I grew up - in the same school district and a stones throw from my high school. All types of excuses were thrown at me for why there was never any contact, especially being so geographically close.

Then we spent a year getting to know one another. He would crack open a can of Budweiser when I would be putting on my running shoes early in the morning. He would tell me about all of the women he was sleeping with - at work, at the beach, in the neighborhood and then we would go to dinner with his wife - and then once he was (again) all liquored up, he would tell me the only women he ever really loved was my Mother.

After seeing the typical trend of drinking, grandiose plans, those plans falling thru and then depression leading to more drinking, I decided my life was better off without him in it. As tough as it was growing up without that father figure during those formative years, I had struggled and been somewhat successful on my own - and with the help of some dear friends.

The point that my feelings really solidified was on a nice night in the spring. My sister was in the hospital. They found and removed a cyst on one of her fallopian tubes. After visiting hours were over, I called him and told him that my side of the family was gone so if he wanted to call, he didn't have to worry about speaking to someone he didn't care to speak with. His response..."She's young. She'll get over it." At this point, I told him my sister had been seeing someone for a couple years and it was a serious relationship. This would also cut her chances of child-bearing in half - and besides, even if she's young and will phsyically recover, this could scar her femininity for the rest of her life. His response..."Did you see that Flyers game last night?" Our conversation and our relationship ended very soon after that.

I always said that if I ever had the chance to have kids, that I would be a better Father to them than he had been to me. Which in all reality, would have been extremely easy. For better or for worse, that opportunity has never been pursued nor has it ever been presented to me. My dogs, Winston, Kiana and Jeb have become my kids as so often is the case in households like mine - and I love and spoil each of them, especially my baby Winston.

And so, on this Father's Day, I salute all of the Dads out there. Nurture your kids. Let them grow. Pick them up when they take those first steps and stumble and definitely be there when they finally spread their wings and fly. Trust me - they'll appreciate it.

A Teacher Reasons

Outrage

So Doug McKelway of DC's channel 8 ABC affiliate is unhappy that closeted gay republicans (and democrats) are being outed as hyocrites. McKelway claims that outing someone really hurts their family. Boo hoo. While interviewing Michael Rogers, he states that he would like to "give you a punch across the face."  Nice.  Me thinks doth protest too much.

and Iowa Makes Four.

From the DesMoinesregister.com

The Iowa Supreme Court this morning unanimously upheld gays’ right to marry.

“The Iowa statute limiting civil marriage to a union between a man and a woman violates the equal protection clause of the Iowa Constitution,” the justices said in a summary of their decision.

The court affirmed a Polk County District Court decision that would allow six gay couples to marry.

The ruling is viewed as a victory for the gay rights movement in Iowa and elsewhere, and a setback for social conservatives who wanted to protect traditional families.

The decision makes Iowa the first Midwestern state, and the fourth nationwide, to allow same-sex marriages. Lawyers for Lambda Legal, a gay rights group that financed the court battle and represented the couples, had hoped to use a court victory to demonstrate acceptance of same-sex marriage in heartland America.

TBRUing is a Verb

I was fortunate enough to go to TBRU this past weekend in Dallas. What a great event - incredibly well run, lots of activities and plenty of eye-candy. I was really looking forward to spending some time with some old friends that were also attending and while there was time together, the large diversity of weekend activities often took a toll on bonding. On the other hand, running into some friends that I didn't know where going was quite a pleasant surprise - and even though tickets to the King Tut exhibit were sold out well in advance (not good foresight on my part), I did get to ride some coasters at Six Flags with Andrew and Tom. Being the good guys they are, I never was the single rider.

Being the consummate hosts, Brad and Robert made sure I was entertained in their hometown; touring me around, taking me to dinner a couple times and keeping me loaded up on beer and jello shooters at the beer bust on Sunday afternoon. I'm looking foward to spending more time with them this summer in Ptown.

End of the World

What a beautiful song that I think everyone has been through at one time or another with a relationship. Check out his other vids and the whole new incredible album at www.mattalber.com. You can buy the album on iTunes or Amazon. Its worth a listen.

Friends

Good friends. Pretty amazing video. A great way to start off the new year. It reminds me of when Jeb, our black lab, first saw a horse at Frying Pan Historical Park in Virginia. He just thought it was another big dog! The huskies also had fun playing with a pair of llamas one time, but when they sneak into the field of a former security agent, you need to be careful when going to get them! But that's another story...

Happy New Year!

As the clock counts down towards the start of 2009, I wish everyone a happy, healthy and prosperous new year. Cheers!

Holiday Favorites

When I was growing up, my family would gather together on Christmas Eve at my great Grandparents little house in Chester, PA. My great grandparents came over from Italy, Naples, just after the turn of the century when they were very young to start a new life in the New World. Cousins, aunts, uncles and family I rarely saw were all treated like best of friends. The kids would sneak down into the cellar and be overwhelmed by the giant oak barrels of wine all lined up. Little did I know how much I would appreciate that nectar later in life. Tables were lined from one end of the house to the other, all awaiting huge bowls of pasta and everyone ate until belt buckles had to be undone a notch or two. The tradition of gathering the family on Christmas Eve with my family continued long after they passed on however it was never the same.  The early years at their house is one of my favorite Christmas memories.

Over the years, I've gathered some additional Christmas favorites that I would like to share. By no means is this a conclusive list. There are many favorites that just barely didn't make the list. I love the holidays. I love the build-up, entertaining friends, buying gifts and seeing smiles on faces. Hopefully we can share some holiday experiences together sometime.

Favorite Stop Motion Animated Characters - Heat Miser and Cold Miser and the toys from the Island of  Misfit Toys. Yukon Cornelius and the Bumble are right up there too.

Favorite Songs - Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen (that's the Philly boy coming out in me), I Believe in Father Christmas by Emerson, Lake and Palmer and The Holly and the Ivy by George Winston.

Favorite Traditional Song - Carol of the Bells (rarely have I heard a bad version, with some of my favorites being by the Transiberian Orchestra, George Winston and a funky version by the Pointer Sisters).

Worst Christmas Song - The Shoes. Thankfully I have an iPod so I don't have to hear this sappy piece of crap!

Favorite Food - I love all types of food which is becoming abundantly evident in recent years :). My favorite at the holiday season is cranberry sauced meatballs. Yum! I've made these at parties for years and now that Dave knows the recipe, we're bound to have them for many years to come!

Favorite Drink - This is a tough one. Baily's with coffee and Sam Adam's Cranberry Lambic are the first two that come to mind. If you know a place that I can get SA Cranberry Lambic, please let me know!

Scent - Mulberry and Home for the Holidays from Yankee Candle. I love the clean, fresh smell.

Short Film - South Park's The Spirt of Christmas...."Holy shit! It's Jesus!"

Movie - I'm a sucker for a romantic comedy and in recent years the top spot goes to The Family Stone. Close seconds go to Love Actually and since I'm a child of the 80's, Scrooged with Bill Murry.

Woofiest Christmas Character - Kris Kringle when the red beard comes in. Grrrr.

Favorite Gift to Receive - the company of friends over a good beer or wine.

Favorite Gift to Give - This is tough - no blanket answer. I try to search out the best gift for each individual person and this happens all year long. I always give my dedication and love to friends and family. It doesn't always show, but I try to be there for them whenever its needed.

Worst Gift to Receive - Gift cards. While they are appropriate in some cases, where has all of the creativity gone?!

and finally, my favorite way to spend the holidays is relaxing with friends and family. Good food. Good drink and good friends. 

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season! Safe travels and take time to enjoy the company, the good food and the smiles on the little ones faces. Hopefully we can create some great Christmas memories for them for years to come.

Person of the Year 2008

Barrack Obama has been named Person of the Year for 2008 by Time Magazine.

"In one of the craziest elections in American history, he overcame a lack of experience, a funny name, two candidates who are political institutions and the racial divide to become the 44th President of the United States." See the complete Time Magazine coverage here.

Star Wars Friday Fun

Remembering

I worked in Washington DC during my last two summers in college. With that organization, came many perks that were fortunately bestowed upon me. Access to many embassies, lectures by prominent leaders at the various Departments, the White House and the Smithsonian. 

A sister program took me to NYC to delve into the functions of the financial world. Housed at NYU, I was frequently on the floor of the commodities exchange, watching the clanging of the bell at the NYSE and hearing lectures from prominent members of the financial world. It was here that I met my friend Mark Cambisios from Kidder Peabody. 

Mark was responsible for training stockbrokers. His former life as a high school math teacher lent itself to his ease in front of groups and gave him a quick understanding of finances. We became casual business acquaintances and loosely kept in touch after I returned to Villanova. 

After the stock market crash of October 1987 - Black Monday, I invited Mark down from New York to give a lecture on why it happened. As a resident assistant, part of my job, besides enforcing underage drinking in the dorm (boo!) was to provide some programs to students. He took the train back home after the lecture and a few drinks with me and a fellow RA who challenged him on various issues in society. Mark's responses were my first clues to more about him than just professionally.

Once I graduated from college, my summer employer offered me a full time position in Washington DC. Shortly thereafter, I got my own apartment on Capital Hill behind the Supreme Court building. I was alone in DC - and definitely lonely. My move was primarily to explore who I really was and to see what these "feelings" are that permeated my thoughts more frequently.

On a Sunday morning in the late fall, Mark gave me a call. He told me a few of his friends had finally convinced him to move from Astoria into Chelsea and that he found a five story walk-up. He sensed I needed to talk and I remember being perplexed when he told me that he knows what I wanted to talk about. Hmmm, a psychic amongst my friends?! Years later I would become familiar with the term 'gaydar'.

After telling Mark I had these "feelings", he reassured me that nothing was wrong and recommended a book entitled "Positively Gay" - one which I still have in my book collection. Over the next couple of years, Mark became an unknowing role model for me. He would tell me graphic details of his encounters and I would cringe at the thought. He called me prude and I embraced the term. We became better friends and he would occasionally come visit me in DC and repeatedly tell me that "DC is ok, but New York is the center of the f'ing Universe!" 

I met my first long-term boyfriend not much later and we planned a trip to NYC to see "Angels in America" on Broadway with Mark and his beau. The plays were incredible and we all had a fantastic time. Tony Kushner's work expanded my minimal knowledge of the AIDS crisis and other social and religious issues. I also got to spend time with Mark in person, which didn't happen too frequently. 

Mark got his annual happy birthday call from me in January 1994. The laughing and the bantering quickly came to a halt when he said he had something to tell me. Not until then had the AIDS crisis touched me. He assured me that he was in good health, was taking a mix of pills and never felt better.

We continued to to go to NYC to visit and stay with Mark. In the early summer of 1995, he showed some scars from KS lesions that had been removed. My other half at the time was inquisitive as I shyed away and went into the other room. It was hard for me to deal with. Mark was physically a big strong man and incredibly understanding and supportive of me as I took my first steps out of the closet. It was hard seeing this come full circle.

In January of 1996, I spent a couple weeks in Hawaii for work. My bf was now my ex and I was living temporarily in a friend's condo while waiting to make settlement on my first house. The weeks in paradise were amazing and I returned from the long flight to my little condo delighted and exhausted.

Rifling thru the mail that had accumulated, I came across a small envelope hand addressed to me with a return address of Cambisios in Richmond VA. My first thought was that Mark moved down with his parents - or sent me a Christmas card from his visit with them. Tearing it open, I found that it was neither. The note, from Mark's parents, let me know that Mark had passed away over the holidays - and that he loved and valued his friends. 

Even as I write this, I'm getting choked up. Back then, I totally lost it. Mark was an amazing man - outspoken, brilliant, handsome and not shy from engaging in controversy. Professionally he was climbing higher and personally, he was helping me along and making me laugh at the silliness of it all. 

Mark was the first person that I've ever known that contracted and died of AIDS. Since then I have known more. I think of Mark often - when I watch "Angels in America", when I trash talk like he so frequently did and on World Aids Day. I pour a little of my cosmo on the earth - Here's to you, Mark Cambisios. I wish you were here to share this drink.

Jeers and Cheers

So its Tuesday...the start of my weekend. Since there is always so much to comment on, this is a  quick and dirty week in review.

US Conference of Catholic Bishops Jeer For their less than welcoming statement to the new administration and the warmth coming from Bishop Joseph Martino of  the Popa Nostra in Scranton, PA  "I cannot have the vice president coming to Scranton and saying he learned his values there when those values are utterly against those of the Catholic Church," Martino said. How did I ever get thru Villanova?

Joe the Plumber Jeer Still unemployed and unlicensed, he decides to start a website to sell his upcoming book and to “stop the government and banks from taking peoples' homes away.” Oh, and its $14.95, but you do get free shipping on all “Shop Joe” merchandise!!

Marriage Equality Rallies Cheer Incredible! Rallies in more than 300 cities around the US for equal marriage. And even in Boston, MA where marriage exists to show support.

Andrew Sullivan Cheer For asking the tough questions.

Reactions to the H8 Jeers and Cheers I agree – its time to act up and fight back. Work the legal system, work the legislative system…riot and yell and YELL LOUDER, but don’t touch, hit or break things.

Boycotting Supporters of Prop 8

I cannot say it any better than Jim at Jockohomo. 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is crying foul as they now somehow feel singled out by the GLBT community protesting the passage of Proposition 8. In a statement released by LDS; “It is disturbing that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is being singled out for speaking up as part of its democratic right in a free election…it is wrong to target the Church and its sacred places of worship for being part of the democratic process.”

 It’s very nearly laughable that LDS and it’s members are now shocked and dismayed by the GLBT backlash, even though Mormons led a distinct grass roots effort to pass Prop 8. To this date regarding contributions, of those, 3,365 (51%) have been identified as Mormon/likely Mormon. These donations represent $15,305,050.17, or 48% of all donations including political contributions from all fifty states and more than twenty foreign countries. It is a fact that LDS chapels across the country had special donation forms in every foyer of their chapels, and individual were encouraged to use the donation forms so that wards and stakes would “get credit for” specific goals and assessments.    Continue reading the whole posting here. 

Keith Olbermann on Proposition 8

"To me this vote is horrible. Horrible" Very moving.

No Limitations

So, no one knows more than Dave...and my friends John and Brian, how much I hate...really hate, watching gory slasher movies. I don't mind reading the plot summary and the graphic details...I just don't want to see it. Knowing this, they remind me with occasional forays into scenes from the movie Hostel. Book me a Hyatt, please!

I think most people that are close to me also know that I am a big softy and will well up at the drop of a hat. It sucks. When the family finally sees their new home on Extreme Home Makeover, during various romantic comedies on those cold winter afternoons and when people with a heart bigger than most take the time and energy to give back. Turn on the waterworks.

It should be no surprise then that last night - and my eyes are welling up as I write this - the anxiety of the election turned into often surprising results. As results from Virginia, our former home state, were coming in, our anxiety increased. We poured over the returns county by county with Dave knowing most since he's a native. Red, red, red...but with some large blue counties not counted yet. And a judge earlier that day allowed the absentee votes to be counted up until November 14 - these would be mainly McCain supporters in the military. Optimism began to wane and I went in the other room to watch the Daily Show election night coverage.

A little while later, Dave woke me up all excited. They called Virginia for Obama! They called Virgina for Obama! I jumped out of bed and ran to CNN.com to check out the details. Sure enough...damn! Ohio, Pennsylvania and Virgina...I did the math adding in the west coast. There was no way McCain could win unless he was perfect in the remaining states. The way he sulked around on that stage during the debates....he's no Nadia Comaneci! Slim chance.

Then came the big announcement. Obama won. As Joe Biden would say, "Let me repeat that" Obama won! We were watching CNN and they made the call. I leaned over and gave Dave a kiss on the side of his head and he rubbed my shoulder. Without a word, we both knew that we were witnessing an incredibly historic event and stared at the TV thru clouded eyes.

The details started rolling in. Obama had 90,000 people at his November 3 rally in Manassas Virgina...where we used to live. Grant Park is expecting hundreds of thousands of people - even up to a million in the surrounding area. A spontaneous celebration of 15,000 in DC celebrating around the White House and up on U Street. People around the world celebrating and congratulating the U.S.- and being shown on TV like when they celebrated the Millenium turning from 1999 to 2000.

More importantly, was voter turnout. A whopping 64% of eligible voters turned out - the highest turnout since 1908...ONE HUNDRED YEARS! Almost 137 million people went to the polls according to the estimate from turnout guru Dr. Michael McDonald at George Mason University. Additionally younger voters turned out in droves! This generation that many viewed as apathetic - moved by Obama, war, the economy and the destruction of the environment. It just took the right motivation to awaken that sleeping giant.

The United States elected its first black President. Only 45 years ago in August 1963, Martin Luther King gave his stirring "I have a dream..." speech when civil rights were being pushed and at the beginning of a volatile time in our country's history - Rosa Parks in 1955, Brown vs. the Board of Education in 1954, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and a ridiculous Loving vs Virgina in 1967 - all focused on expanding civil rights regardless of race.

This was a time when parents would tell their children when they grow up, they can be anything they want...astronaut, teacher, cowboy, nurse, even President of the United States. I'm sure some parents believed their own words and I'm sure some didn't. How could they believe? They were drinking from separate water fountains, getting bussed to different schools and told they couldn't live here or there or work here or there.

The world woke up this morning with a new hope. Regardless of how you voted in yesterday's election, things are different now. Things have changed. So tonight before you go to bed, kiss your child on the forehead and tell them that now you know for sure. They CAN be anything they want. There are no limitations.